Lance Drummonds Music Blog

Last week I had a very interesting discussion with a few friends concerning Strippers and Marriage. Today we will divulge in the Marriage discussion. Now unless you have lived under a rock for the past few years, you have at least heard, if not read somewhere, that OVER 50% of marriages end in divorce. Although not entirely factual, and pretty damn sad, it is a fairly close estimate. As the topic of marriage was brought up, said statistic was the first point made followed by a question, “Why get married when over 50% of all marriages end in divorce?”

Now, there were three parties in this discussion and each having a completely different perspective:

The LEGAL PERSPECTIVE: This was my perspective, in which I learned, after recently having my taxes done, that I basically could have doubled my tax return if I was married. So shit, I would get married just to get a nice ass return. **INCENTIVE!! (Don’t you judge me…lol… you would do it to.) The term, “it’s cheaper to keep her” continually came to mind while conducting this marriage conversation. In fact, I often thought, “it’s more profitable to keep her.” So I chimed in the conversation with a few points every now and then on how much people save, make, and/or lose (due to the cost of divorce) when they get married. But my perspective was more a tangent of the two main and competing perspectives.

THE SKEPTIC PERSPECTIVE: A male, who believed that marriage was nothing more than signing a paper. “What is the point of getting married, when everything SHOULD and COULD remain the same as boyfriend and girlfriend?” – A valid argument, seeing that his point, over 50% of marriages end in divorce, was made. And either people get married prematurely without truly knowing their significant other or change the relationship into something that both parties were not expecting. “Why put all that pressure on the relationship when you can love the person the same, treat the person the same, have fun with the person the same, and essentially have the exact same relationship?” I chimed in from the legal perspective and said,

“Well think of it like this… an artist can have a relationship with someone that acts as their manager, but in actuality they are just someone who is helping out. Although they are doing EVERYTHING that an actual business manager does, their is no legal document spelling out the details of their job. Details include: job description, responsibilities, and pay. NO one is bound to each other and can leave whenever they please without any hassle. Until you have a legal documentation that binds you to that person, it is just a verbal or sometimes a nonverbal agreement that you both just play out. Bottom line, nothing is official or recognized by the state till a document is signed.”

He quickly understood, but continued that whether or not recognized by the state, the relationship could be what it is without marriage. Additionally he made an interesting point, “I feel that I would be more insecure about my relationship if I were to get married. I would think that the only reason that this person is in the marriage is because they are married and because they feel obligated to me, their friends, and their family. As opposed to just a “non-married” relationship where I know that this person is here for no other reason than because they want to be.

The Religious Perspective: Now, the Skeptic’s main argument was that everything should and could remain the same in the relationship without having to get married. In fact, it may be easier without the solidification of a marriage. The Religious perspective was similar to the legal perspective in that GOD does not recognize, rather acknowledge a relationship till the two parties are married.

As she continued on: “The religious perspective is to that marriage is beautiful and honorable in the sight of God (Hebrews 13:4). God has created a system for us to live by and once we step out side of that structure things tend to go wrong. The bible says a man is head over his wife and he is suppose to love her as much as he loves himself and vice versa (Ephesians 5:21-33). Now if we had people loving each other this equally we wouldn’t have cheating, deception, hatred, etc. in our relationships and divorce would barely exist.

The skeptic said ‘so what if someone is to get caught cheating?’ ‘Is it still honorable in the eyes of God?’

The Religious perspective responded, “Yes it is but since you have breached the contract and committment you made in the eyes of God with your husband you are free to leave the relationship and the bible only permits divorce if adultery is committed (Matt 5:31-32). That’s just to show you that people are not living within the structure that God built and hence why 50% of marriages end in divorce. If both parties live by God’s law you can not go wrong. Emphasis on can not!”

Now we are not here to discuss your beliefs, however, we are here to discuss the purpose of marriage and to me if marriage is a possibility, there needs to be more emphasis on the preparation for it. What I mean by that is that you first HAVE TO KNOW YOURSELF! Doing some research, I came across a chart (displayed below) that displayed the percentage of divorce among different age groups. The 20 – 24 year old group had the highest divorce rate and that just supports my argument. At that age, we don’t know who we are or what we are doing, so how could we possibly learn to know everything about someone, love someone, and sacrifice for the relationship. Not to mention, most guys at that age just want to “explore” and “sow their wild oats” so a commitment of that magnitude is way over their heads.

Age                              Women       Men
Under 20 years old   27.6%        11.7%
20 to 24 years old      36.6%       38.8%
25 to 29 years old      16.4%       22.3%
30 to 34 years old     8.5%         11.6%
35 to 39 years old      5.1%         6.5%

In preparation for marriage and after we at least get to know ourselves, the relationship should at least reach a point where regardless of marriage, the bond that the two of you share is unbreakable. You know this person better than you know yourself and vice versa. The Religious perspective sets up a structure where God recognizes this bond. The legal perspective sets up benefits for this bond.  And the Skeptic’s perspective is built on this bond.  So make sure the reason you got married is built around this bond. Let’s take our time, learn ourselves, learn each other, and reduce this divorce rate.

LD